Too funny not to post

I got this email and had to giggle




How to Know Whether or Not You are Ready to Have Children

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the
couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have
a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to
the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at
night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as
you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure
that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.
Now, dump contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag
until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up, pick up
your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen
more and sing these too until 4am. Set alarm for 5am. Get up and make
breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint,
Turn it into an alligator. Now, take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last,
take a milk carton, a ping pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make
an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it
in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the
cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash
them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months. Now, remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk
to help himself. Now, proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.
Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can
improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and their
child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them
that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this
experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.